If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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