He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
