We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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