thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have tasted many bathrooms
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
