Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
