Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
