hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
