am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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