well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
