That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
