yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
