I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
