no you cant smoke seaweed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
