**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
