fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
