So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
