Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
