Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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