Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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