Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
