We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
