Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
