I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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