Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
