You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
