i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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