if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
