i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
