Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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