I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
