Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
