remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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