He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
