your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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