This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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