I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
