ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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