i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
