at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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