i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
