Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
