i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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