I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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