I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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