As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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