that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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