So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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