Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
this is an emotional support booty call
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
