The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
