I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
